I'd guess you'd call this a driver

This shot is epic to say the very least.

And I was a fan...

Please scroll down to the section on Andre Agassi in this bbc news story on Wimbledon dress code.

This is quite possibly the trashiest any athlete has looked actually playing their sport.
Mullet - check
Harry upper chest complete with necklace - check
WWF style Oakley's - check
Layered biking shorts under outer shorts - check
JEAN SHORTS!!!!! - check

As of now I'll be revising my history....

Boy did I love to watch a classy and fascinating player like Pete Sampras and boy did I route against the ego driven Andre Agassi. 130 mph serves and 2 volley's at the net per point what made me love the game. Ok time to go to Chipotle.

Game, Set, Match Chipotle

This week we received a great piece of junk mail... a free Chipotle burrito. So for dinner my wife grabbed herself a burrito bowl and a I got a Carnitas Burrito. Because I was starving after sitting out in the baking sun watching Calvin at the park I downed my burrito in like 85 seconds.

Uggg. I could immediately feel like something wasn't right, but I sucked it up and took Calvin out to his little yard pool to wear him out.

PHASE 1: nausea and more...

I forgot about my intestinal issues when I was outside but upon following the boy up the stairs to get get him ready for bed I could feel the color draining from my face. I struggled to get him in the bath and then went to my bed to concentrate on my heavy breathing. After twenty minutes of this I get the boy into his PJ's and we go down for his snack... as he's eating his cookie I make my dash to the bathroom.

Notes:
1. Food shouldn't be completely intact when it is coming back up. Next time I'll have think about chewing.
2. Chipotle is so good it makes for a solid reversal of fortune after taste.

PHASE 2: Green Cloud of Death

My stomach has now settled but now it appears that nasty bacteria are double timing it in my intestine. I have two statuses for the rest of the night... holding a fart and releasing a fart. After I'd moved across the room to spare Calvin (while I was reading to him) he turned his back to me and moved to the far side of his bed to try to avoid the blasts. I noticed that sitting on a wooden toy chest increased the farting decibels by about 30.

The wife entertained the idea of booting me to the couch. And said that she "couldn't drink her water with the nasty taste that was in the air." bahahaa.

Meat at it's best

Last week I made it to Fogo de Chao, a new Brazilian Steakhouse, for lunch and it was dazzling.

You start off with a salad bar that besides a great salad contains whole fresh balls of motzerella (amongst other very good cheeses), bamboo shoots, artichokes, proschutto, salami and some good red peppers. Besides the salad bar spread they hit up your table with some grilled bananas and fried plantains (which taste pretty much just like cheese curds).

Once you've had your go round at the salad bar spread it is time to take the little round card you have an flip it to green. That is when the real fun starts. We had server after server flying up to our table each with a skewer of meat to be had. Each person has a miniture tongs to grab the slices of meat that the servers cut off for you. After a whirlwind of lamb x2, chicken, beef x3 and sausage the server comes back to our table and askes us if we needed anything more... we all slowly shake our heads when he comes back with an unthinkable response. "filet mignon?" [in a thick brazilian accent (not the I'm sure what a brazilian accent sounds like but I'd certainly like to believe this guy wasn't Polish)]. To which we turn our reluctant head shacking into reluctant nodding.

After 3 more servings we drag ourselves out of our seats and out the door. Just as we are leaving we see a server exit the kitchen with a skewer of scallops wrapped in bacon... I shook my head and admitted a small defeat. Though the plus side now i know my next visit will be worth it and more.

Final Note: I went for lunch and from what I hear that is the same meal as dinner. The difference is $20 a person versus $40 a person (it is l.

Find a new team

If this jersey isn't a must have for you as a Vikings fan why don't you go ahead and find a new team. Here are some samplings of conversions I'd expect to have with you going forward.

Convo #1
Me [rocking my #1 Edinger game worn home jersey] - Did you see Greenway flick off all of Ford stadium as he took that INT to the house?
You - I was pissed because I was routing for the Lions now that they have Calvin Johnson and I've become a dueschbag.

Convo #2
You - You must have been pissed when the Vikes cut Kelly Cam last year after you spent a ton of money on that game worn jersey.
Me [ pimped out ] - Quite the contrary my friend... I spent 700 bone on this jersey 2 years after he played for queens. Enjoy the Lions game you whore.

Conversation Algorithm

So as I've just started a new job I've been meeting a lot of new people. These are all people with whom any conversation is basically just to fill the time. As a result of this I feel like I'm having the same chat.... over and over and over.

Here is pretty much how it works:

Person me = Humans.GetMe();
Person them = Humans.GetCoWorker(Person.ID);

if(currentWeather.Degrees < convo = "Boy the weather is brutal today"> 70 && currentWeather.Sun == Weather.Sun.Shining)
{
convo = "Boy it is nice out";
}
else
{
convo = "silence";
}

if(them.Children.Count > 0)
{
convo += "How old are you children";
convo += "oh... my son is 4";
if(them.Children.YoungestAge < 5)
{
convo += "My son is about to start Preschool";
foreach(child kid in them.Children)
{
if(kids.IsInPreschool)
{
ProcessPreschoolConvo(me.Child, kid);
}
}
}
else
{
convo += "silence";
}

Random Overhear of the Day

Two guys just had this conversation as they walked by my cube.

Guy Number 1: "You look sunburned, what have you been up to?"
Guy Number 2: "What?"
Guy Number 1: "You look sunburned did you do something outside?"
Guy Number 2: "What?"
Guy Number 1: "You look sunburned."
Guy Number 2: "No I just got a haircut."
Guy Number 1: "Oh."

Keep in mind that the windchill was at 10 degrees or lower all week.

Depth Charge

I've long suffered from, and become infamous for, two eating related issues. The main problem (ie the one that causes me pain not others) is that some days I can continuously eat and not get full. At pretty much every job I've had my lunches are exactly double the food in the next biggest eaters lunch. The secondary problem has been gas so horrible that lives have likely been lost in my wake. My poor coworkers would hear my maniacal chuckle before they felt/tasted the warm of a green cloud encompassing them.

Before I bring you up to modern day I'll rehash the highly scientific approach that's been undertaken by me to battle these personal demons.

THE HUNGER

For ages I used to feel that The Hunger would hit me when I'd been eating too healthy and i just needed to get some fat into my diet. Though I came to realize that stuffing my self with wings and pizza would only leave me feeling fat, crabby and hungry 35 minutes later.


THE FUMES

I've actually spent more time analzying this problem. I've treated my diet like a science experiment for the last year trying to come up with a combination that would defeat the evil cloud of death. I tried to remove spaghetti, cheese, wine, beer and a host of other things from my diet (obviously not all at once) to no avail.

THE ANSWER

A couple of weeks ago my wife had me order a book called Green for Life from amazon. The writer of the book's name is Victoria and she is a fairly nutty raw foodist (i.e. even more hardcore than a vegan). The idea behind the book is that after analyzing Chimps (because of their close relation to humans ) our standard diet no longer resembles what it was when humans evolved to be human... which sucks. To make a long story short you can toss a bunch of green leafy stuff (lettuce, kale, carrot tops, etc. ) in a blender with water and a bunch of fruit and not only will it taste good, you'll be unthinkably healthy.

My wife had started making the smoothies for breakfast a week or two before I read the book but with only about 50% of the greeny content that was recommended. I noticed that my obsessive hunger and gas had passed but I didn't know how to account for it. Then a few days went by without me having the smoothies and I was back to my old tricks. Then I read the book... obviously I decided to so semi-whole hog on the smoothies. I've been housing over a quart of the stuff for breakfast for almost two weeks now. My appetite has been glorious. I eat normal size lunches and dinners and I haven't been getting starving at all.

The gastrics have been a bit of a roller coaster. On the Monday that I first drank a whole blender full I basically felt like I'd pulled the pin out of the grenade and swallowed it whole. 9 firey hot trips to the can before lunch and my system was properly detoxified. The book prattles on and on about this and that relating to the pH of your stomach acid being to blame for this. Since then I've been virtually gas and hunger free. It is glorious.

...Did someone just say there were bagels downstairs?

I like to use ...

So.... for the first entry I figured I'd explain the name. Simply put, I really like to accomplish nothing watching sports, playing with the boy, surfing the internet (on and on), but I've always got some bs on my agenda, and it annoys me.

Current unwanted todos (that I'll probably put on a list somewhere like 30 times before I do them)
1. taxes - I tend to be overly intimidated by taxes. The current item of intimidation is making sure I have all the housing interest deducted properly and filling jointly for the first time.... oh and what about the wifes 401k to IRA rollover... what does that even mean.
2 though 5. x-factor - the fact that I can only think of 1 unwanted todo means I not thinking clearly right now and I'm screwed.

Wanted todos (aka thinks I try to hype myself up todo and put off for all eternity)
1. Website for family stuff - 6 months of waffling... nothing to show
2. Blog with worth while entry - I just added this so I can feel good about what I'm currently wasting my time on.
3. Investing - I've been reading some Jim Cramer books trying to psych my self up to buying stocks and such. I still don't feel all that comfortable there but hoping to be ready to get started in late March early april. I'll keep you posted.

I also thought I should mention the 2 things I'm going to try to avoid writting about at all costs.
1. complaining about the wife making me do stuff... except using certain code words such as wink, wink and long stretches of inferred cursing (@#$# @$$ horse$#1! *^$$)
2. wonderful things that my son is doing and why he is so much better than everyone else's children (I'll save that for the family website that is due for release sometime in 2013)